Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
