my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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