Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
