I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
