How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
