happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
