A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
