Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let's get the cat blown out
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
