that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
