you're like a bully in the Christmas story
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
