Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My ATM looks so different sober.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
