Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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