Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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