you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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