He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
