My liver just broke up with me...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
