Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
