I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
