You work out of a Hotel?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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