I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
