He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
