My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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