He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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