Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize