Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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