we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
