You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
