I wish my penis had an off switch
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
