Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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