bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
