dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
