Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
