I must be too annoying 4 u.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he thought i was a dude.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
