if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
