I understand Curling. That high.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
