Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
