i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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