you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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