You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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