Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
