that's an acceptable place to lick
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
