So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
