we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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