So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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