If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
