Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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