Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
