I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
