never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
