and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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