I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i came on her dog
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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