I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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