I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
