Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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