It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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