so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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