I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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