That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
