My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
