He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.