your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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