i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
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apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
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Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.