I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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