It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH