I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.