I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.