I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
