so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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