I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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