Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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