Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
