there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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