My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
