never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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