I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
