I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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