I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
