Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
