I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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