I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
