no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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