Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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