would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
